How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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