what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
