Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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