Swine flu. Run for my life!
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
