That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
