i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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