theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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