i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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