we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
