what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
