I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
a search helicopter?!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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