i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i will never coherently bang her
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
