Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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