so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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