"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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