Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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