By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
