She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
