the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
