whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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