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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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