Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
