does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
