I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
