you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize