I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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