Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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