It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
