Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
