I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ladies don't puke and tell
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
