i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
