blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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