I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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