he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
