I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize