Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
North Korea, Best Korea!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
it was like eating out sand paper
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
