he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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