so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
