You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
