I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
