Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
