I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
