you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
