I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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