Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
