I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
