...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
