Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
