I cannot find my penis.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
