my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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