that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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