i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
