Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
