Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
