I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
