oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
