Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
