I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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