I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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