I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
