so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
