I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
