I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
