yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
