Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
