today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
