I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
