shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
