someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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