New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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