He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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