Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
