my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
