so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
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