I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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