To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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