whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
