Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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